Take me to Never Land

16 Dec

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”

J.M. Barrie

Somewhere between a breath and a blink my precious baby turned into a little boy.  He went from my arms to his own two feet, from diapers to underwear, and from his crib to the great, wide world of school.  His face thinned out, his teeth fell out and his baby voice quietly faded away.  As I look back on the pictures of his years before 8 I am left with the bitter realization  ‘it really does go fast.’

As I watch him in his 8 year old state and I see his interests change, and his friendships grow I can’t help but remember the way things used to be.  How he would play with my hair while I would get ready in the morning.  How he would climb into our bed at night just to be near us.  How he would reach for my hand when we crossed the street.  How he would fly around the living room wearing his Superman costume.  And how adamant he was on “marrying me” when he grew older.  He was my Superman and I was his Louis Lane.

Now he is 8, and I can’t help but feel as if we are in the middle of his childhood and the end is all too near.  He is old enough now to hold a real conversation and questions every answer we give him, yet he is still young enough to enjoy my hugs and a good book before bed.  He is old enough to tell a good a joke and keep a secret, yet he is young enough to believe in magic and Santa and all that is wonderful.  And he still insists on living with me forever.

I know as the days turn into months and soon years and we rush through our lives with our ‘to-do’ lists and expectations my little boy will grow into a young man.  The day will come where he will have a cell phone and prefer his friends to family.  He will disconnect from his home and connect with the world.  He will find a new girl to share his love with.  And one day he will come to me and my kiss will not fix his broken heart.  His eyes will roll at the sound of my voice and he will no longer want to “marry me.”

He will have Grown Up.

But tonight, while the rest of the world sleeps I will fly him off to Never Land.  We will travel to the second star to the right and leave this busy world behind.  We will fly and dance and think nothing of the life we are missing.  We will have an Adventure and he will never grow up, if only for a night.

What a bitter/sweet thing parenthood is.

“Young boys should never be sent to bed. They always wake up a day older, and then before you know it, they’re grown.”

J.M. Barrie

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10 Responses to “Take me to Never Land”

  1. Nell December 16, 2010 at 3:16 pm #

    Oh wow tear jerker!! I try so very hard to watch her porcelain innocent face while she sleeps and takes the those long beautiful dreamy breaths, I try to soak up every moment of the sweet breaths she takes while shes awake, I try to feel every kiss she gives me as if it was the last, I try to remember every time she tells me she loves me more than anything in the whole world…. because I know someday those kisses and sweet breaths will be special to someone other than daddy and I and she will love someone more than me!! 😦

  2. Melinda December 16, 2010 at 4:04 pm #

    Oh, this one made me cry! Beautifully written and so expressive of what is in every mother’s heart.

  3. momofsteel December 17, 2010 at 7:44 am #

    Thanks for the comments. As hard as this one was to write, it feels good to know I am not alone. Funny how kids can make your heart grow and break all at the same time.

  4. Nate December 17, 2010 at 1:45 pm #

    You did a beautiful job expressing what I feel daily. except he never wanted to live with me. It is an emotional roller coaster to watch your child change and grow. I wish I had the words but lucky me; that’s where you come in!

  5. Amber December 18, 2010 at 3:34 am #

    This is beautiful! It expresses so many of the things that I am starting to feel with Maddy!! It is so hard to let go and let them grow up because no matter how old they get, they will always be our babies!!

  6. km December 19, 2010 at 9:49 am #

    It’s a incredible talent that can capture the essence of the parent experience. You evoked my minds eye of my own children and their journey through youth. I had to wait for my eyes to clear before sending this reply. Looking forward to the next post!

  7. Mom December 20, 2010 at 8:43 pm #

    Wow (drying eyes), you beautifully expressed what every parent feels.
    “Somewhere between a breath and a blink my precious” daughter turned into a beautiful woman! And . . . an incredible mother; a caring, supportive wife; a gifted writer; and my best friend!

  8. momofsteel December 21, 2010 at 1:59 pm #

    AWE! Thanks Mom. And thank you everyone for commenting. I enjoy hearing your thoughts, they make me feel not so alone on this journey.

  9. Jen December 27, 2010 at 11:24 pm #

    As I sat and read this I fought back tears and almost thought I had it accomplished until I got to the last pharagraph and I lost it. As I started to cry and wipe tears from my cheeks (thinking about my sweet Hayden), Geoff was panicked. He’ll be the next to read this. What a beautiful sentiment and so true.

  10. Liz January 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm #

    This was so beautifully written. You really have a talent for expression, G. Keep it up. You had me in tears, and I am still fighting this knot in my throat five minutes later. This is such a beautiful depiction of parenthood. Before having two of my own, I never would have dreamed of how powerful and heart-wrenching and blissfully wonderful this experience could be. You managed to sum it up right here. Keep ’em coming, you’re a natural.

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