Tag Archives: Motherhood

Is Aiden the new Black?

20 Apr

There is an epidemic going on in this country right now, and quite possibly the world.  Celebrities like Kevin Costner and Britney Spears have fallen victim to it, and even I have been thrown into the mix of it all.  What is it, you ask?

It’s the ‘Aiden Effect’ and IT-IS-EVERYWHERE!  I like to refer to it as A.N.S., which stands for Aiden Naming Syndrome, as each year thousands, possibly millions of new parents become victims to this naming epidemic.

A.N.S has plagued my quiet suburban street where we have three 9 year old boys living right in a row, each with the Aiden variation: Kaiden, Hayden and Jaiden.  I can’t walk 2 feet without hearing it.  Boys and girls alike (because many are gender neutral) answer to the names: Aiden, Brayden, Kaiden, Hayden, Jaiden, Raiden, and we might as well throw in Saiden (though I haven’t seen that one catch on yet).

I get it.  Naming your child can be both exciting and daunting.  You want something special, something that describes them and something unique (although not too unique, sorry Apple).  And let’s face it, the name you choose can put your child on the fast track to success (I’m talking to you Donald) or racing to the stripper pole (a shout out to all you Bambi’s out there, you never stood a chance).  But what of all the A.N.S babies?  What course have we set them on?  No one knows yet.  The big BOOM of Aiden’s and their counterparts didn’t happen until 2002, yes the year I named my son Kaiden, so no one knows what’s in store for them.  Possibly a long life of looking over their shoulder every time their name is called (which is a lot).

It’s been on the top 10 list of baby names for 10 years running, and it’s still up there!  So let me just speak for all the mothers of the ‘Aiden Effect’ when I say

“STOP!  ENOUGH ALREADY!”

We get it, it’s a popular name, but it’s anything but original anymore.  It’s been done, and done to death.  So if you have already succumbed to A.N.S and named your little bundle, you are forgiven as I had yet to write this post alerting the public of this terrible naming epidemic.  However, if you or someone you know is expecting a child and showing the early signs of A.N.S., take action!  Help them!  Show them the top 10 names.  Stop them at all costs!

For those struggling to find an original name for their little ones, might I suggest ‘John.”  I guarantee you won’t find another for miles.

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Four Reasons Why Eating Healthy SUCKS!

23 Mar

When I was growing up, my parents owned a health food store.  They not only sold health food, but served it in their very own health food restaurant.  For many reasons, the business didn’t survive.  If you ask me, they were ahead of their time.  It was the 80’s, the age of Pepsi and Michael Jordan.  Nobody was concerned with eating healthy!  Well, nobody except my parents.  While the cool kids unwrapped their brown sacked lunches full of Dr. Pepper and Twinkies, I pulled out my all natural Hansen Soda from the first of its kind reusable lunch bag.  Yep, I was that nerd.  My parents were recycling and celebrating Earth Day like it was Christmas and my dad started composting back before they even had a name for it.  Instead we were just that weird family who put garbage in their garden.  Growing up with such Eco-friendly, health conscious parents could only lead me to one fate.  So naturally, when it was time for me to live out on my own I did what any responsible 18 year old would do.  I bought as much junk food as I could afford!

From HoHo’s to Ice cream, Lucky Charms to Doritos, I wanted it all.  These were forbidden fruits where I came from and I didn’t care what was in them, I was eating them.  Now, it took me years on this new found diet of mine to start reevaluating the food I was consuming.  It wasn’t actually until I had kids of my own that I began to resort back to the “healthy side.”

It’s no secret we should all be eating healthy.  The news is riddled with headlines of the benefits of having a healthy diet.  Hell, it seems everyday there’s some new recommendation of what’s in and what’s so last season when it comes to food fads: No Carbs, No High fructose corn syrup, no MSG, Gluten Free, All Organic, the Caveman diet, back to our roots, blah, blah, blah.  So, from someone whose enjoyed both ways of eating I’m going to go against the grain and tell you why eating healthy SUCKS!

  1. It’s confusing:  Remember when we were kids and we used to go down to the local farm and pick Doritos straight off the tree?  No?  Oh yeah, that’s because Doritos aren’t natural, yet pick up one of their packages and check out the huge “Natural” label posted on the front of it.  Whole Wheat doesn’t mean S—t unless it says 100% in front of it.  Cage Free Eggs translates to hundreds of chickens living in a tiny warehouse with no windows and crapping all over each other, but hey, at least they’re not in cages right?  It’s labeling like these that work to confuse us into thinking we’re living the Healthy way, but in fact we’re still not.  For more label info check out www.USDA.gov
  2. It’s time consuming:  I can’t remember the last time I made a home cooked meal for the family faster than I could heat up a hot pocket in the microwave.  Who wants to make homemade chili for hours in the kitchen when you can pop open a can of Staggs in a few seconds?  Eating healthy takes time!  Time to plan, time to shop, time to cook and time to eat.  Last I checked, “time” was something we were all short on.
  3. It’s expensive: I watched this show once called “Extreme Couponing” about people (mainly housewives) who rob the stores blind by taking home $500.00 worth of groceries for $1.00.  While I applaud their talent and effort, most of the crap they’re stocking up on is exactly that…crap.  I considered couponing once, but when I tried to find actual food in the coupon books I was at a loss.  Never once have I come across a coupon for broccoli or Pasture raised Eggs, but a 24 pack of Smuckers Crustables, where’s the scissors?  Times are tough, and we all need to cut costs where ever we can.  Couponing is a great way to save money and just another reason why eating Healthy SUCKS!
  4. It’s inconvenient:  Jack in the Box has a special right now “2 cheeseburgers for 99 cents.”  Seriously?  I don’t know about you but I can’t make 2 cheeseburgers at home for 99 cents.  And when you’re on the run and out and about, good luck finding a healthy fast food drive thru.  So now that we’re on the healthy side of living, if we want to eat on the go, we have to plan ahead of time and pack a lunch.  Talk about inconvenient.

I may have grown up eating healthy, but the word ‘healthy’ in today’s market is foggy.  Marketers use it to sell whatever they want and unless we have a PhD, figuring out how to read between the dirty little lines of the food labels takes time and effort that most people don’t have.  I’m not even going to get started on GM (genetically modified) food.  Oh yeah, those are out there.

So yes, eating healthy Sucks!  But despite all the reasons listed above I wouldn’t feed my family any other way.  What can I say, my body likes it.  Plus, I think there are a lot of other things that Suck even more: Obesity, diabetes, heart disease, cancer.  We are what we eat, right?

Here are some resources I’ve found if any of you are interested in living the high maintenance way too.

www.USDA.gov :  this is the actual guidelines for labeling in the U.S.  You’ll notice there is no mention of genetically modified foods as there is yet to be a mandatory label of those products.

Food Inc. : Documentary of the production of our food in the U.S.  Informative and disturbing, but a real conversation starter!

www.localharvest.org  : Great website to find local farms in your area for veggies, meat, eggs, honey or farmers markets.  Just type in your zip code.

Eat This, Not That : books and a website with tons of information about substitutions and the dirty little secrets about the food you’re eating.

We are heading out to a local farm this weekend, Inspiration Plantation, to wave to the animals we will soon be eating.  Maybe we’ll see you there!

I AM AWESOME!!!

1 Feb

My litle Science Experiments.

Sometimes I can’t believe I actually MADE people…living, breathing people!

And it really wasn’t that hard.  Yes, there was the pain and the endurance my body underwent to grow the little beings, but seriously…I put more brain power into my fourth grade science experiment.  And now, here they are; talking and thinking and creating all on their own.  And I did that.  Sure I had help, but let’s not get into the whole chicken or the egg argument because the point is… I created life! 

OK, we…we created life.

That’s it…just wanted to stop and observe my greatest achievements EVER!

Welcome to the Farm!

30 Mar

Welcome to the Farm!

 

 

 

Spring is finally here!  And while the weather may not show it, there are small sings of the new season everywhere.  Flowers are blooming, birds are chirping and baby animals are beginning to emerge.  I also have quite a few friends who are planning to give birth to their own babies this spring.  Many of them are on their 3rd and even 4th baby!  They’re old pros, seasoned veterans, and I have no doubt they’ll be back on their feet faster than you can say ‘placenta.’

However, I have one friend who is on her first pregnancy.  She has that motherhood glow.  You know, the one we all had with our firsts.  The excited smile as we anticipated our new arrival; the preparing of the nursery, buying cute little clothes and carefully baby proofing the house.  Yes, those were the days.

She asked me the other day what to expect, as her due date is quickly approaching.  I looked at her not really sure what to say.  Oh, I had tons to say about becoming a mother for the first time but I didn’t want to scare her too much, after all it’s too late for her to back out now.

So I told her I’d get back to her once I thought about it for a bit.  And this is what I’ve come up with so far:

Becoming a mother for the first time is like moving to a farm in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no farm experience.

There’s no real way to prepare for it.  It’s nothing like your life before.  It’s full of unfamiliar noises, needy livestock and no sign of another adult for miles.  And yes, I am comparing children to livestock here.  Sure, you’ll have occasional help.  There’ll be the friends and family that will want to visit the farm, pet the livestock and give you advice, but they won’t stay nearly long enough.

You will be up all hours of the night.  After all, the livestock need you.  They will need feeding, their cages will need changing, and their hygiene will need to be maintained.  And there will come a day you will pass by a mirror and not recognize the mangy person staring back at you.  She will be tired and hungry, her eyes wearing bags and her hair a permanent ponytail.  A far cry from the day she had lunch with girlfriends and cleaned her house in high heels.

You will want to give up.  You are not a farmer.  And even if you thought you were, this is not what you expected.  You crave adult contact and the civilized world.  You are isolated, frumpy and grieving for your life before.

Then one day, when you think you’ve had enough the tiny creature in your arms will do something remarkable that will make all the work before worthwhile.  And after a while, when you finally do get “a day off” and away from the farm, you’ll find all you want to talk about is your farm and you’ll be eager to get back to it.  You won’t even remember what you did with your time before moving to the farm.

I can’t explain how it works.  All I know is that it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had in my life.  It’s never-ending, thankless, tiring, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What can I say, it’s my farm and I love it.

Anyone else have advice for my friend?